So I was feeling not so good. Normally I would just suck it up and sleep through it, but I have babies now. So I sucked it up and went to the doctor to get tested for the flu. Luckily I didn’t have the flu, but since I was so nauseous, he gave me a shot to try and help.
Let’s just say, when he told me it might make me drowsy, the Doc wasn’t joking. I got home and I passed out for about 16 hours. And when I say passed out, I mean that not even my man shaking me and asking questions about the boys woke me up. I haven’t slept this much since the boys were born and their father hasn’t spent this much time alone with them ever.
See, my partner goes to school during the week and usually works 6 days and sometimes 7 at night, and so he is hardly here. Thankfully when he works 6 days a week, he does let me sleep in a little, about four hours, and this is about as much time alone with the boys he has during the week. He always jokes that if I wanna switch him, he’ll stay home with the boys and I can go work full time like him. While I truly believe he means this jokingly, there was always a part of me that was hurt by this. Part of me that felt he was in a way, down playing how difficult what I did everyday was, but I didn’t think it was something I was holding onto.
So, me passing out for 16 hours was basically a nightmare for him. Having to deal with two babies for that long when you aren’t used to it can take quite the toll apparently. See, since birth, caring for my boys is all I’ve done besides keeping the house, and ensuring my partner is fed. He’s never had to get up at night to help, he’s never had to deal with endless crying spells, or hungry babies that don’t like bottles and therefore fight feedings when Mom isn’t there with her udders.
So those 16 hours were quite eye opening for him. And honestly, I’m totally ok with that. When I finally woke up and he was up with them and exhausted looking and I asked him what was wrong, his response was very honest. He was tired, and dealing with them for so long had worn him down both physically, mentally, and emotionally. Sure he had never said outright that what I did was easy, but it’s been implied a few times and honestly those few times made me quite upset. So to hear him admit that what I do was difficult made me feel strong. I finally felt he understood what I deal with on a daily basis. I finally felt respected and appreciated for what I specifically do for our children.
Me getting sick was honestly probably a great thing, because that little bit of resentment I had, that I honestly wasn’t aware of is gone. Since then, he’s helped more on his days off, and on his off time when normally he’d be relaxing and playing video games, he’s started helping out. He brings me breakfast in bed and holds our boys more. I know he’s exhausted, I know what he does is extremely difficult, and I know when he planned on going to school, he didn’t plan on having a family to care for and so I truly appreciate how hard he works. But I’ve always respected him for his efforts and now, finally, I think he respects and understands mine.